One Conscious Path In Parenting
As I opened the doors to the grand ballroom, I felt the spirited energy of the current presenter, Howard Moody.
He was engaging the audience in an activity that allowed them to discover their playfulness. I scanned the room. It was packed to capacity; the back wall was lined with standing participants. I gratefully sighed after the months of preparation leading to this weekend. Yes, the ICPA’s second summit, Freedom for Family Wellness, was a huge success.
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Peter, our emcee, quickly approaching me. Peter ran the show with perfection. He stayed attuned to the timing, the energy in the room and, most importantly, the flow of both the presenters and the attendees. There was a bit of concern on his face.
“Where’s Joe?” He asked. Joe was our keynote speaker. “Has he arrived yet?” Just three days prior, as I was speaking with Joe on the phone, he expressed that he was feeling a bit off and might not be able to attend.
“Yes, about an hour ago,” I told Peter. “We brought him up to his room so he could catch a bite to eat and relax after his drive. Corrie is getting him now.”
“Well, he’s due to go on in one minute.”
We had planned not to have any break at this time. The seminar schedule was packed, and timing was of the essence. “Signal Howard and tell him he has another five minutes to play,” I said. “I’ll find Joe.”
I walked back out into the hallway as the elevator doors opened. I breathed a sigh of relief. “Joe, you’re right on time.”
He was still wearing his driving cap and sporty type of jacket. “Can I take your hat and jacket before you go up?” He reluctantly handed me the cap, but firmly insisted, “I’ll keep the jacket.”
I walked through the ballroom doors, arm-in-arm with this esteemed elder. Peter glanced gratefully in my direction and headed toward the stage to introduce Joe. We made our way toward the stage as Peter was listing some of Joe’s literary works. We reached the stage steps as Peter announced, “…and it is my pleasure to introduce Joseph Chilton Pearce.”
As the exuberant applause simmered, Joe carefully positioned himself on a tall stool. He took a breath and looked out at the packed house. It was standing room only. There was a moment of anticipation, could he do this? As he began to speak, I thought back to the steps that led me here.
My upbringing, having been born in the ’50s, was typical of the times. The rod was not spared either at home or in school. My parents chose to send me to Catholic school, and having more of a spirited nature than an obedient one, my experiences were challenging, to say the least. I learned early enough that restricted parenting/education/society would either make you or break you. Exuberant expression would either be fired up, or squelched with heavy discipline.
The best part of my grammar school experience was meeting my life partner, Tom. It wasn’t until our final year there that we actually hung together in the same “crowd,” and our friendship got stronger as we transferred to the public junior high. Because I spent quite a few days in the principal’s office as well, I got familiar with his administrative experience with rebellious kids. “Yes,” he once confided in me, “our worst kids are those who transfer to us from Catholic school. They have been restricted for so long, and they seem to have a period of unusually stronger expressed rebellion than most other kids at this age.” At the time, I did not realize how profound his insight was.
Tom and I continued to stay in the “Catholic-school transferee crowd” throughout high school. We were expressive, to say the least. We questioned all authority and fit right in with the socially rebellious philosophy of the ’60s and ’70s. I am sure we were affected by our strict upbringing and its many restrictions. Both of us had rigid German fathers and religiously obedient mothers. I am also sure we were greatly influenced by the radically changing times we were living in. The music was inspirationally challenging all fundamentals of authority. In 1971, John Lennon released his song “Imagine” and rocked the world with his radical proposal of “living life in peace,” and “sharing all the world.”
One very sunny March morning in 1972, Tom and I arrived at school, met in the parking lot and decided to skip classes for the day. We chose a friend’s house to go to. For the next six hours Tom and I sat in deep conversation—covering such profound philosophical topics relevant to the times and our own personal discoveries of life thus far. Our exploration led to the topic of raising kids, and, still being kids ourselves, the direction of our conversation covered freedom and respect for uninhibited expression.
We emphasized our insight that kids were born innately virtuous. We discussed the importance of exuberant play, freedom to express and the necessity to trust this childhood process rather than suppress it. Given support and love, we concluded, children will find their way. We delved into the limitations of formal education and its void of practical living and relationship skills.
Around that same time, true to the phenomena of synchronicity, I came across a book—Summerhill: A Radical Approach to Child Rearing, written by schoolmaster A.S. Neill, who was running what was referred to as a “free school” in England. Summerhill articulated so much of what Tom and I had discussed. This preface embraces the essence: “This is the world’s greatest experiment in bestowing unstinted love and approval on children. This is the place, where one courageous man, backed by courageous parents, has had the fortitude to actually apply—without reservation—the principles of freedom and non-repression…. Reading this book is an exceptionally gratifying experience, for it puts into words the deepest feelings of all who care about children, and wish to help them lead happy, fruitful lives.” Many years later in life, Tom and I coined a phrase to describe our gleaned parenting philosophy: “Don’t leash the puppy.”
“My view is that a child is innately wise and realistic. If left to himself without adult suggestion of any kind, he will develop as far as he is capable of developing. Logically, Summerhill is a place in which people who have the innate ability and wish to be scholars will be scholars; while those who are only fit to sweep the streets will sweep the streets. But we have not produced a street cleaner so far. Nor do I write this snobbishly, for I would rather see a school produce a happy street cleaner than a neurotic scholar.”–A.S. Neill
But before we were to marry and have six children, Tom and I had yet another profound experience to encounter. When we were just 19, I joined his brothers in a day of hang gliding…and I fractured my spine in two places. After finding worse than no relief in the hands of the medical establishment (yes, I was told, I was destined to a life of debilitating back pain and suffering), I wound up in a chiropractor’s office. Little did we know the huge shift in direction our lives would take.
Fortunately for us, the chiropractor we chose to go to was as strong in his philosophy as in his ability to adjust. He explained the principles of chiropractic and how the adjustment of the spine would remove interference to our nervous systems, reconnecting our brains to our bodies and restoring whole body function— whatever that meant for each person. He discussed an inherent healing intelligence in all living matter, responsible for the expression of life. My allopathic background hoped for mere back-pain relief. I was clueless that I was not functioning…I was alive, right? After three short months of care, my back pain was gone, my allergies to animals had been alleviated, my asthmatic attacks were nonexistent, my regular headaches had subsided and my previously irregular menstrual cycle had found its regular rhythm.
I asked our chiropractor what was happening. He simply replied, “Yes, like I mentioned on the first visit, chiropractic is not the treatment of conditions, it is the restoration of function. The adjustment, when reducing interference to the nervous system, maximizes your body’s innate intelligence to communicate with all systems and functions.”
He then turned to Tom and me and, reflective of the times, he asked, “What are you two doing with your lives anyway? Tom, why don’t you go to school to be a chiropractor? Jeanne, you could be his receptionist.” Ha!
In the next couple of years as we pursued our necessary science credits to attend school, we also attended countless philosophy meetings where we were introduced to the essentials of chiropractic. We learned there was a major premise: “Universal Intelligence is in all matter and continually gives to it all its properties and actions, thus maintaining it in existence.” It was consistent with our own philosophy of life: respect and trust for universal intelligence. We became thrilled with the prospects of opening a practice, to educate and adjust people, to reconnect humanity to its source, and to foster the unique, innate expression of each individual.
We continued to expand our philosophical understand- ing of chiropractic and we learned from the best of the best in the profession. We learned about the principle of health and life expression, “Above-Down-Inside-Out” (ADIO), originally introduced by B.J. Palmer, the developer of chiropractic. The essence of this principle defines the innate intelligence of living matter with the properties of connected organization, facilitating function, repair, and regeneration via the nervous system. A chiropractor finds the subluxation (the interference in the nervous system), makes the adjustment and unleashes this inherent potential from within.
We also were able to differentiate its antithesis, the Outside-In-Below-Up model, which did not value this organization or intelligence. This is represented by the divisive, reductionist approach to health and life, requiring continued outside assistance and treatment.
Unbeknownst to us at the time, through our exploration in chiropractic philosophy, we were discovering new emerging concepts in quantum physics. Just one year prior to our graduation from chiropractic school, David Bohm, one of the world’s leading quantum physicists, was redefining order, where the primary focus was on the undivided whole and the implicate or connected order within the whole. Seven years later he noted: Implicate orders are accessible to human experience.
Leading quantum physicist David Bohm’s conception of order: primacy is given to the undivided whole, and the implicate order inherent within the whole, rather than to the parts.
We asked this question: “If the presence of intelligence exists in the physical body, how is it applicable in viewing all levels of human expression: emotional, mental, social, spiritual?” Our chiropractic mentors explained that since there is universal intelligence, there must be order. And since intelligence is universal, it is everywhere: within and without. And with universal intelligence and order, there is connectivity.
With conscious recognition, we sought practical application of the Above-Down-Inside-Out philosophy into all aspects of our lives. Our affinity to a major premise assuring us of order and connectivity created confidence. We could trust the processes of life, rather than react with fear. Immediately, life’s systems and experiences could be viewed as friendly, not hostile. We felt a feeling of ease.
Also, having a core value—a major premise from which to base our decisions—made our choice selection so much easier. If the proposed choice was not congruent with the premise, it was no longer a consideration. If the option sparked apprehension and fear rather than ease, we knew it was not compatible with the major premise and we did not follow it, regardless of what others said: our parents, our friends, the doctors, the school systems, even society at large.
“The most important decision we can make is whether we believe we live in a friendly or hostile universe.” -Albert Einstein
From this major premise—There is Universal Intelligence— we deduced all personal and parenting choices. With our growing understanding, trust, and respect for the universal and innate intelligence of life, we evaluated our life options. We made parenting choices that didn’t even have defined terminology at the time: conscious conception, unattended birth, delayed cord clamping, and attachment parenting, with our practices of co-sleeping, baby wearing/carrying, and extended breastfeeding. We made informed choices concerning vaccinations, and routine and even seemingly crisis medical treatment. Although considered “over the top” at the time, these practices are now being embraced by parents who are seriously questioning the mechanistic, reductionist paradigm. Happily, we in chiropractic can say, yes, these lifestyle choices made from that philosophical standpoint are now finally being verified and validated by open, unbiased proponents of science. Most important, all of these parenting practices foster healthy nervous-system development and function. They accomplish what we in chiropractic seek to enhance with our adjustment: greater nerve system function producing greater life expression. I refer to these practices as vital elements of the chiropractic family wellness lifestyle.
After several years in practice and several years into our new family, one of my favorite mentors in chiropractic, Dr. Joe Flesia, introduced us to the book Magical Child by Joseph Chilton Pearce. It was radical, it was profound, and it reflected our own insights into the realm of parenting. For us, Pearce integrated this Above-Down-Inside-Out philosophy in parenting, as had Neill in his school, Summerhill. They both advocated recognition, trust and respect for the expression of the child’s innate wisdom in all realms— physical, emotional, social, psychological, and spiritual. They proposed that if children lived in an environment of love and support, without fear and restraints, their inner wisdom would unfold, manifesting their greatest capacity. They advocated that children, when allowed to express their innate potential, will flourish and grow into thriving, vital human beings.
In our years of living with our six children, we learned that this method of parenting worked. Not that we didn’t have our strong trials and errors. We were parenting from a theory which was diametrically opposed to the way we had been raised; the learning curve was often tough on all ends. But we did apply the principles: recognition of, trust in, and respect for higher intelligence. In that process, two fundamental dogmas we had been raised with were transformed. First and foremost, we concluded that kids are born inherently good and seek to express their own, innate potential. We recognized that they have their own purposes to fulfill, and they are here to teach their parents as much as their parents are here to teach them. We concluded that the spirit of the law, not the letter of the law, was more reflective of evolving individual human experience, and so we let go of inflexible, “one size fits all” rules. We also quickly realized parenting required the ability to listen with the heart, admit error, adapt ideas, shift perspectives, and embrace continued growth, change, and expression.
We used our phrase “Don’t leash the puppy” to keep ourselves in check. With observation, we had learned that all a puppy (or a baby) wants is to be with you—to be in your presence, have your attention, and feel your love. In their innocent brilliance, they seek our wisdom until they are able to discern their own. They look to us for their expression to be honored and valued. They seek affirmation of this interconnected intelligence by how we respect and honor its presence in them. When we forget—whether in fatigue, impatience, or simply repetition of old embedded patterns from our past—we entertain the doubt and fear or perhaps make outright judgment that they are not connect- ed to this intelligence within them, and we conclude there is no order, and so we leash them: “For their own good.” “So they don’t run away.” “Because we know best.”
When our inherent, higher nature of trust and love is replaced with our learned behaviors of doubt and fear, we leash, we control, we try to contain. From that moment on, we struggle to keep our children at our sides, obedient to our limiting perspectives. And then, acting in perfect accordance to who they are and their purpose here, they tug at the leash, they squirm under the grip, they break away in seeming defiance. Why? To accomplish the very thing they are here for…to find their own unique, intelligent expression in life. The binding leash we impose instinctively creates constraint and limitation. If we think of the simple physics behind the leash, we can see that the intelligence behind the force, behind the potential, does not want to be restrained.
“To open to intelligence as well as its instrument, insight, we need only acknowledge the limits of our intellect, and then acknowledge the unknown, but open-ended possibility of a greater intelligence behind the show, which is, after all, what Bohm’s dialogue process implies.”
–Joseph Chilton Pearce
As with all parenting decisions, it is normal to first look at our educated or learned reactions of the intellect. Does it spark fear? Confusion? Judgment? Resistance? Is it contrary to what we have defined as our major premise in life? Instead, from this point on and for the rest of our families’ lives, when up against a decision, we can allow ourselves a time to be still. We can choose to go to the place where mind meets heart and reconnect with our own core values and beliefs. From this place, the place of our highest knowing, we as parents will find our wisest source of guidance and make the best decision for our families. This is conscious parenting from Above-Down-Inside-Out.
Joe carefully surveyed the crowd. He looked around at the stage. “Well, I’m of course delighted to be here, and all that sort of thing,” he began. “I had no idea what to expect at all. And I came without any of my props. They set up a viewer and I didn’t bring any of my pictures to view, and so I am totally unprepared for this. And they said, well, just wing it. That’s easier said than done.”
He straightened up in his chair and continued, with the authenticity and power of a true sage. “I’ll be talking about the only thing of importance in my life, and that’s the heart-mind connection.” And then it flowed, all 80-plus years, from a soul who has questioned, listened, searched and heard.
I stepped outside the ballroom as if in a dream. This reality of Freedom for Family Wellness, which I had been referring to as “Pathways Live,” was pulsing through my entire being. Ever since the first issue of Pathways was published in 2004, with a vision of connecting resonant minds and hearts who understand, teach and practice the ADIO principles, I have known that we are truly forging a new pathway in the neurology, and therefore consciousness, of the planet. This is how we can publish an article on birth in the same magazine as a piece on quantum physics.
To me, Pathways is a confirmation that both parents and practitioners are passionate about a spirited conversation directing us to appreciate the beautiful and varying expressions of intelligence. On that weekend, I saw heroes of my past share their years of wisdom and connect with other presenters and participants. It was as if an interconnected knowing between all of us had expanded into an empowered community that would carry the torch and raise the consciousness to levels beyond any one person’s ability. And along with that, each and every one of my kids and their significant others were there to feel the integration of why and how we lived the way we did. I felt a glow of joy and appreciation fill my entire being, and I reentered the ballroom like a wide-eyed child.
Joseph Chilton Pearce mesmerized the audience with his lifetime of insights, experiences, and love for children for the next 50 minutes. His stories and wisdom, entwined with his childlike humility, offered the audience a glimpse into this man’s brilliant capacity of understanding living from the Heart-Intelligence, living from Above-Down-Inside-Out.
With a call to our souls, Pearce shared a story about sociologist Robert Wolff. “In his old, old age, Robert Wolff said, ‘You have no idea what we have lost.’ And you know, everyone in this room has a sense inside that we’ve lost something. And all of these experiences that I’ve had were to try to find what we have lost.”
Pearce concluded with the words of a wise, old sage: “If we could just retain that enormous intelligence of the child and hold onto it into their ‘third childhood’—their adulthood— we would have an entire species of geniuses.”
As everyone rose and applauded with their hearts and souls, I don’t believe there was a dry eye in the house. I know I was sobbing tears of sheer joy as he weaved together the most important principles and practices of my life while raising the consciousness of the individual, the planet, and beyond.
